One Door Closes...

Well, I didn't get my scholarship. I can't go to Morocco. Bummer. I also can't afford to go back to SU fall quarter. So I have to move back home so I can work through summer and fall quarter. If anyone knows someone who's hiring, send them my way.

I don't really know how I feel about it all. A part of me is very sad. It is an experience that I was looking forward to, and it's gone. I've been planning my study abroad trip to the Middle East since I was a sophomore in high school. I told my mom that I feel like a dog on a chain: I've been running and running and suddenly there is no chain left. YELP!! I'm snapped back and can't move forward anymore. All I can do is go back.

At the same time, however, I'm kind of relieved. This year has been rough and I've become impatient and frustrated with school. This way, I have seven months to breathe. I'll still have to work, but I can finally enjoy my weekend without the panic in my chest every time I think about all the stuff I still have to do. And with any luck, I can make enough money to cover all my extra expenses in India and I'll have some left over to help cover my school costs.

So, maybe it is for the best. I believe that every big event in our lives happens for a reason. We'll just have to see what that reason turns out to be.

Two Down, One to Go

Well, I got into the Morocco program. Yay, me! However, I'm having a difficult time being happy or excited. I am glad that I got into both of my programs, but when I talk about them, you sure as hell can't tell. I guess to an extent, I'm not allowing myself to be excited. I still have two months until I find out about the Boren scholarship. If it doesn't work out, Morocco is over, that's all there is to it. I'll go to India regardless, but it is too far away to really get excited. Morocco is much closer but any excitement I feel could be gone within two months. I cannot really get attached to the idea of going to Morocco. If I start making plans and buying guidebooks, a rejection letter from the NSEP would be a major blow. That is definitely the downside of my study abroad plan. I spend two months in limbo, trying to get things ready for either possibility, but never becoming fully emotionally invested in either. Well, stay tuned.

On a lighter note, I did go shopping last weekend at Indian Imports on Broadway and bought an outfit for India. I spent more than I should have, but the pants are just so cool and so not easy to find in the U.S. that I couldn't resist. I'll have to model it sometime so I can post some pictures. Bye.